On this page we try to answer many of the questions frequently asked pertaining to such a fiery trial. Since this valley effected our entire family, we felt it necessary to include Cathy & Lathan in the answers also, since it has had an eternal inheritance for them as well. We praise Jesus for His Spirit upon them that has made them wise for their years!

Questions Asked Les:

Q.: DID YOU THINK OF CINDY AND THE KIDS WHEN YOU WERE WITH THE STRANGE WOMAN? WERE YOU REALLY WISHING YOU COULD BE WITH THEM?

A.: When I was deep in the sin, they were the farthest thing from my mind, but as I was coming out of it I started to think more and more about them. After I saw the movie (talked about in the testimony) I realized how much I loved and missed them.

 

Q.: DID YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WERE HEALED?

A.: I wondered, until the strange woman called me at work and asked me AGAIN to leave Cindy for her, and I realized that she didn't have any power over me anymore. I told her NO and hung up on her! That's when I knew I was healed, when I didn't run to her like the other times.

 

Q.: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE HEALED?

A.: I knew after the phone call. Cindy trusting me, really helped in my healing too. I don't think like I used to. God changed my heart. I only want Cindy.

 

Q.: DID IT TAKE AWHILE FOR YOUR REALATIONSHIP WITH CATHY & LATHAN TO HEAL?

A.: I don't think so. I asked them to forgive me and they did. I told them how sorry I was. I'm thankful that they were only 7 & 10 at the time, because I think it was easier for them to forgive me than if they had been older at the time.

 

Q.: MY SPOUSE HAS GUILT; HOW DID YOU OVERCOME IT?

A.: I asked God to forgive me of the sins that I did and HE got rid of the guilt.

 

Q.: WHAT DID YOU LEARN THROUGH YOUR VALLEY EXPERIENCE?

A.: I learned that when you get married, that is who God has chosen for you. You are more suitable with that person than any other. I know that Cindy is who God made for me.

 

Q.: HOW DID THE VALLEY CHANGE CINDY AS YOUR WIFE?

A.: She is more humble, and our roles are in balance.

 

Q.: WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOST ABOUT THE VALLEY?

A.: I don't remember it very much or in any detail. I can't believe it happened, but I know it did. I remember the loneliness.

 

Q.: WAS IT HARD TO FACE CINDY'S PARENTS, CHURCH FAMILY, ETC?

A.: We didn't go to church right away after the valley. But when we did, everyone was nice to me. I am very thankful that Cindy's parents took care of my family while I was "gone" (I only gave Cindy $60 a week - if that!). Cindy's family made the first move. I remember my father-in-law giving me a hug - after that, I didn't feel nervous.

 

Q.: WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR SPOUSES STANDING FOR THEIR MATES?

A.: KEEP STANDING! I'm glad Cindy stood for me. I know that I would be going to hell, right now, if she hadn't, and we would not be together as a family.

Questions Asked Cindy:

Q.: WHAT WAS THE HARDEST PART OF THE VALLEY?

A.: The rejection! To this day, when I am ministering to someone on the phone who is hurting, I can feel their pain; that searing, tearing pain. Also, seeing the hatred in Les' eyes and knowing that, at that time, he did not want me.

 

Q.: WHAT SEEMED TO BE THE BIGGEST BATTLES?

A.: Not believing what I saw with my eyes or heard with my ears, especially when I'd see the strange woman drive in our drive or see her make-up in my cabinet, etc. But God would let me know that I would sink if I went by what I saw! Also, not allowing self-pity to set in. That would have been THE biggest tool that satan would try against me, because if I started feeling sorry for myself, then my focus would have went from battling for Les to myself - just want the enemy would have wanted! It would have been like a cancer.

 

Q.: HOW DID YOU HANDLE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE STRANGE WOMAN?

A.: ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE!!! He gave me a supernatural love for her. I was able to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I loved her and forgave her for what had happened. I was able to share with her that she truly needed to ask Jesus into her heart and live for Him; he was who she was really longing for in her soul. He would fill the void that she was trying to fill with men. After God got it through to me that it was more of a battle for Les' salvation than our marriage, I had a greater concern for her soul too.

 

Q.: WHAT WERE SOME OF THE BIGGEST FRUSTRATIONS?

A.: When people didn't believe God's Word with me. I remember the kids and I going to Wednesday night service the night, of the day, that Les left us. While there, a dear Christian friend (after hearing what had happened) gave me some "counsel". She told me that what I was now going to have to do is to 1.) Put the kids in a public school, and 2.) get out of the house and get a "job". I turned and looked her square in the eye and told her that "I was NOT going to do this the world's way but GOD'S WAY!!!" These were the two exact things that the ENEMY wanted me to do! This is when the Lord told me to stay away from doubters, because they would drag me under. I have no ill feelings for this sister in the Lord. She was truly hurting for me and wanted to help. The Lord only asks of us to walk in the light that HE has shown us.

 

Q.: MY HUSBAND HAS A WILL OF HIS OWN; IT'S HOPELESS!

A.: No, it's not hopeless! ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH GOD! (Math. 19:26) Prayer is POWERFUL, especially when you pray GOD'S WORD!!! If intecessory prayer were not able to change the heart of a person, then why do we pray for our unsaved loved ones? We are to pray - BELIEVING!

 

Q.: WHAT WERE YOUR BIGGEST FEARS?

A.: Loosing the children. The children and I grew closer during that time than any other. The same tearing, searing pain that I shared about earlier, I also had when the children and I were not together. I would grow weak, spiritually, and the enemy knew it! Which made me easy prey for him. Another fear was T-I-M-E!!! The enemy would try to get me discouraged by telling me that it would be ten, even twenty years that I would be standing. But then God would remind me that I was one day closer TODAY than I was yesterday, and that He already knew the exact day, and that that day could be TODAY!!!

 

Q.: DID THE VALLEY REALLY CHANGE LES? IS HE REALLY HEALED?

A.: YES!!! & YES!!! Before the valley, Les was very selfish. Everything was HIS - the house, the car, the T.V., etc.. That attitude is totally gone! To him now, it is OURS. Before the valley, in conversation, it was nothing for him to say idly, "Well, if we'd ever divorce..." There was not a FULL commitment to me then. Now he states, "I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU!" Another thing that has changed about Les is that, all our married life, HE COULDN'T STAND FOR ME TO TOUCH HIM!! He'd always get mad when I'd try to hold his hand, stroke his hair, rub his back, etc. HE DIDN'T WANT TOUCHED! Now he loves it when I stroke his hair, rub his back, etc. He still isn't very affectionate in public - but now, he is privately! There is no way that I can put into words the change that has occurred in Les; it's bonds that only the husband and wife can feel between each other. Not only do I know that Les is healed because of the fruit that he bears, but GOD says that he is healed.

 

Q.: WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR OTHER STANDERS?

A.: Keep yourself pure! The enemy might tempt you by bringing someone who "appears" to be Mr. or Miss Perfect. Don't fall for it!! KEEPING PURE IS A WEAPON AGAINST THE ENEMY! Don't play games - Don't try to get revenge - IT WON'T WORK!! You will only play into the hands of the enemy! Let God do it! At the beginning of the valley, I remember sitting and pondering everything. I was getting overwhelmed and thought I was just going to BURST when God, gently, quietly, and calmingly, spoke to me these words: "Why are you fretting? I have it under control; I have it planned out. There aren't any plans or decisions that YOU have to make, I will do it all. You only need to choose to obey or disobey"!

 

Q.: YOU HAD YOUR FAMILY TO STAND WITH YOU, I HAVE NO ONE!

A.: Yes, I had my family. It was all new to them also, but they believed God's Word with me. I remember seeing the pain on their faces, for me. They, too, had battles against anger, etc.. - Remember THEY could see too, the activity down at our house from my parent's home. But, they loved Les, loved the Lord and weren't going to let Satan have him! They were a BIG blessing to me! But, I have no doubt that if I would have been the only one to stand, then God's grace would have abounded to me to the extent that I would have needed to have been able to be obedient to Him in what He was asking for me to do. He doesn't call us to do something, to set us up for failure! Pray and ask Him to give you a strong, standing, prayer partner - OF THE SAME GENDER!! God will be Faithful! He will either send you one or His Grace will be sufficient.

 

Q.: WELL, YOUR "DIVORCE" DIDN'T GO THROUGH, AND MINE DID, SO HOW CAN YOU UNDERSTAND?

A.: As I was standing during the valley, I had no idea how long it would last. In everything that God was asking of me, I had NO idea how long it would take, so the choices of obedience that I was having to make were made with the fear of this taking ten or twenty years. Also, God knows the plan that needs to be accomplished for all involved. Through His Word, He told me that EVERY person that heard of Les' and my situation had a part in God's plan. It was like a ripple in the water as to whom it touched, and God had teachings and lessons for each one! Also, as I shared earlier, God's grace abounds to us for the individual person and what they are going through. As I was spared the pain of a "divorce", God allowed me to experience the pain of DAILY, SEEING and WATCHING the strange woman with my husband, in our home, etc.. For another stander, this might have caused a lot more anger, unforgiveness, nightmares, anxiety, etc.., in which case, God might not call them to this experience. ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT EACH ONE OF US NEED!

QUESTIONS MOST ASKED  CATHY & LATHAN

 (Cathy, age 17; Lathan, age 14 at time of answers)

1. Q. WHAT WAS THE VALLEY LIKE?

Cathy - A. It was a very hard time for me. There were days of being happy & days of being sad. The Lord was the only source that kept me going.

Lathan - A. It was terrible. I just thought that my dad didn't want anything to do with me.

 

2. Q. HAVE YOU FORGIVEN YOUR DAD? WAS IT HARD?

Cathy - A. Yes, I have! It wasn't very hard, because God gave me the forgiveness for my dad. He had me see Dad like Jesus would.

Lathan - A. Yes, I have totally forgiven my dad. One day, I talked to him about the anger that I had. He apologized for everything and promised that he would never do it again.

 

3. Q. WHAT ENABLED YOU TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE VALLEY?

Cathy - A. Jesus, the Word of God and my entire family were the only way I was able to make it. The Bible was like a shield to everything that was going on with Dad. Mom told us all the promises that God gave her. She never left us out. We were part of this warfare and stood with her.

LATHAN - A. Prayer, interceding and knowing all the promises that God gave to my mom.

 

4. Q. HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE STRANGE WOMAN? DO YOU HAVE HATRED TOWARDS HER?

Cathy - A. I had a lot of hate towards the strange woman. It made me sick to think of her with my dad. The Lord eventually gave me total forgiveness for her.

Lathan - A. I really hated her. I remember walking through our house and seeing all the strange woman's ducks where my mom's stuff had been.

 

5. Q. WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER MOST ABOUT THE VALLEY?

Cathy - A. I remember playing with my cousins most of all. My family was always there for me. We were always together, and that helped ease the pain. I thank the Lord for them!

Lathan - A. I remember not ever knowing if my dad would ever play catch with me again, and also seeing my uncles with their sons made me miss my dad even more. But, I thank God that my grandpa was there for me like a dad. My mom always told us the Scriptures that God gave her. This helped, because this way we knew what was REALLY going on with Dad.

 

6. Q. WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR OTHER SONS & DAUGHTERS GOING THROUGH THEIR VALLEY?

Cathy - A. I would tell girls to hang on to Jesus. He is the only way to get through this situation. Reading the Bible is a lifesaver too; not just reading it, but seeking God through it. He will show you things just like He were sitting there with you! If your family & friends are standing on God's Word & believing with you, never draw yourself away from them. They can play a big role in your healing. By being around them, God can use them to encourage you and ease the pain! I know what it feels like, so hang on to Jesus!

Lathan - A. Just hang in there. Pray & stand on God's Word. Listen to your parent.