IT’S NOT AS IT APPEARS!

By: Cindy

Is this YOU? Are YOU feeling this same way? Is the pain unbearable?

Dear Les & Cindy, I feel so overwhelmed right now. I need prayers for my marriage. I think my spouse has found someone else. Satan has been attacking me really bad, and it is so painful. What are you supposed to do if they find another, or are trying to tell you it's over for good? What do you do with that heartache? How do you fight this attack of Satan, when your whole body is feeling like it's in fear and you can't conquer it.

Precious Ones, This is when your FAITH is put into action! You have to place GOD'S WORD and what He has told you ABOVE anything that you see or hear! Otherwise, you will be horribly tossed back and forth because of doubt. (James 1:6-8) The enemy will always try to make you doubt, but you have to MAGNIFY God's Word above it!!! It is not just going to happen! It takes a conscience effort on your part....this is all out warfare! It doesn't make any difference if your mate is with one or many....ALL THAT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE IS WHAT GOD SAYS!!! We hope that you have taken the time to read our testimony....in it you will see how I had to witness with my own eyes, my husband with the strange woman. I would see her pull into our garage, and I knew she was using MY garage door opener! I knew she was doing dishes at MY kitchen sink! I saw Les & her working together in OUR garden! I even saw her clothing in MY closet in OUR bedroom, her Shower to Shower bath powder in MY bathroom cupboard, her make-up in MY cupboard, her knick-knacks (mostly ducks) all over the house on MY shelves and in MY hutch, we would pass each other almost daily on MY country road & I would have to see her turn into MY driveway, the list goes on & on!!! I "heard" Les tell me, "I DON'T LOVE YOU! I HAVE NEVER LOVED YOU!" I "heard" him try to talk me into dating. I "heard" him tell me to "just get on with your life because we're NEVER getting back together". I "heard" him tell me that he would "NEVER come back to me". I had to witness...SEE & HEAR all of this and every time, God would tell me...

Cindy, IT’S NOT AS IT APPEARS!. The enemy wants you to believe what he is acting out. If you go by what you are seeing then you (hope & faith) will die. What have I told you? That is what is really going on! THAT is what the Truth is!" See, what God was telling me (it's in our testimony booklet in our website) was that Les was bound by the devil and was like a hurt little boy, needing help! IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT!!! He looked and acted as if he was God's gift to women and that he was having a ball!!! It comes down to our choice & WHAT GOD has told us! What & How did I want to live? Did I want to believe what I saw and have that horrible, tearing, searing pain rip my heart out every moment to where death could seem appealing, or did I want to soar ABOVE the situation (like eagles soar above all the pains of walking the earth) and separate myself from the "natural realm"? (Eph. 6) What did I have to lose in believing God TOTALLY!  NOTHING! What did I have to lose in NOT believing God TOTALLY?  EVERYTHING! I knew that who Les was, at that time, wasn't my husband anyway! So, I CHOSE to not believe what I saw & heard in the natural, ONLY what was in the spiritual (what GOD said) (2 Cor. 5:7). I wanted Les totally healed, NOT a half baked job!!! Yes, people thought I had lost my mind! There weren't "standers groups" back then like now! Several months into the valley, I heard of the Hartong's and phoned to be placed on their prayer list. That was the one and only time that I talked to anyone that had experienced what I was going through. Did I feel alone? NO, God was with me every step of the way, even when the devil would try to tell me otherwise! God was stretching my faith and wanted me to learn to hear His voice and to Trust Him above ANY man or woman (I Cor. 2:5). What He was doing in me was "working out my salvation"...trying to make me more into the image of Jesus Christ, which comes through sufferings. The neat thing is that, He MAKES IT BETTER than what it ever was! He blesses our faith & obedience! Les never "cherished" me before. I would see husbands that looked like they doted after their wives...NOT LES before the valley, but YES LES now!!! I never knew what it really felt like to be genuinely loved, cherished, by my husband. I do now! Our valley, the pain of it, the humiliation of it, burned out the impurities that were in our marriage, that no amount of counseling would have been able to do. Our "counseling session" was lead by the Holy Spirit and was NOT fun! In regards to the question, "What do you do with that heartache?"

I personally feel that rejection from our spouse has to be the worst living (emotional & physical) pain one can feel, and I base that on being one-flesh and then the ripping, tearing apart of that one-flesh entity while being ALIVE!!! Again, all I can do is share with you my experience and the Word. As I have shared in our testimony booklet, the only way that I was able to make it through each day was to be in God's presence, usually crying out to Him, other times, just allowing him to heal me by His presence. What I mean by this is not a fast-three-minute-prayer. NO WAY! I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT! I remember awaking in the middle of the night so burdened that I would go outside (so that I didn't wake up the kids) and walk back and forth in the lane crying (sometimes screaming, sometimes laying broken on my face sobbing). I was consumed with this battle, every waking AND sleeping moment while Les & I were apart. I remember being asked by family members if I wanted to go out to eat, etc. I usually couldn't. I couldn't watch much TV (and when I did, it could ONLY be Christian). When working in the shop every day, I had to have praise music that was the Pure Word of God (actual Scripture) pumped into my ears. When I would take a break, I had to get into God's presence, because the pain was too much! (I know I probably sound like a BIG baby, but most of you probably can bear witness with what I am sharing!) What I am saying is that HE is our Healer. We must allow Him to heal us EVERYDAY! I remember knowing that I could not "put off" my time with God even for one day, or else that day's pain, wounds, hurts would pile up onto the next day's and I would have an even worse day THEN!!! I could not let ANY self-pity ("I shouldn't have to live like this"; "He's out having fun, & I'm stuck with my life being absorbed in him!"; He's out "dating" and planning his "wedding" and I can't even watch TV or do anything socially if I want to keep God's anointing on me for this battle!", etc.) come into my attitude, because it would have been like a cancer eating away at the foundation of all my trusting in God. For me, being and STAYING in God's presence is what healed me EVERY DAY so that I actually was able to walk with JOY through our valley. I was able to walk in genuine love for the strange woman and minister to her with NO anger. That can only come from being in God's presence.  WE DO NOT have that capacity of love. When I say "being in God's Presence", I mean this.....Worshipping Him! Praising Him! Having an intimate relationship with Him! There were some times that after having gotten into His presence (spirit realm) I knew that I didn't even have to say one word of "warfare".  He had accomplished it through my praise to Him! Remember, praise is also a weapon of warfare...it sends confusion into the enemy's camp!!! Hallelujah!!! (2 Chronicles - ALL of Chapter 20 -note vs.22-).

I pray that the Lord will cover every word that I have written here with His Grace. I hesitate, at times, sharing the "fine details" of my walk through our valley because I don't want anyone to feel that if their walk is different, then something is wrong. God doesn't want anyone but HIM to be your guide! God told us that He would "bring the people to us" that He wanted us to minister to and that we did not have to (and should not) "go after them". I believe that what God has called Les & I to do is to just try and be the best "cheerleaders" that we can be! We aren't "in this" for numbers or recognition. We only want to minister to those that God brings to us and see EVERY ONE of their marriages restored and salvations birthed by the preaching of His Word! Glory to God!!! Les nor I have a "degree" in Theology, etc. We are just plain, country folks that love Jesus and know what He is able to do, and wants to do in His children's lives! He has called us to be cheerleaders...He's the coach! He knows the game plans for each situation...we don't....but WE KNOW WHO ALWAYS WINS in THIS game!!!! The "players" are those precious ones, hurting for the answers to get their spouses home, and when this FINALLY happens (Hallelujah!), they too, become cheerleaders for their brothers and sisters still in the "game". We cheer them on, as HE coaches them, to the VICTORY!!! HALLELUJAH!!! THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE FROM MY HEART WITH YOU! You are all in my thoughts and prayers daily! I love you! God Bless you! Your Sister, Cindy